My View from Here
A look back at 2005 from 2025 with curiosity and wonder at the passage of time
I paused at a stoplight this week and was hit with a retrospective in a rare moment of quiet in my brain. Summer break is here for kids, which means camp drop-offs, kids home, messes EVERYWHERE, and so many meltdowns. In the midst of it, my brain reminded me that where I was in 2005 and 2025 are very different.
Who knew what 20 years would bring, and also what? I canNOT be that old. Yet, here I am. Here are some thoughts as I think about the view from here in 2025 to there in 2005, and what I noticed.
2005 Me:
Beaches, beaches everywhere. I loved beach life from one end of the world (Australia) to the other (San Diego). I lived for warm weather, sandy toes, and dreams.
Oh, did I have dreams. Me/she thought about finding a job nonstop right after I returned from Australia in 2004. In 2005, I moved to San Diego and had the time of my life.
Until I didn’t.
In 2005, I knew I could keep pushing to find a job, doing resumes and going on interviews, but unless I had money to pay for rent, gas, and food, I was on a fast track to nowhere.
2005 was also the first year I really processed how alone I was out in the wide world. My last grandparent died, and I could not afford the flight home. My parents were not well and needed help, but I was on the verge of having no money, food, or way to support myself if my temp work dried up and a job didn’t materialize sooner rather than later.
In that season, I was seeking a lot, from faith to a personal sense of who I wanted to be in the world. I had a Master's degree from Australia, but nobody would hire me. The social net many people rely on from close family (aside from some cousins who supported me) was non-existent. I was caretaking for my parents while I struggled to get ahead on my own far from Minnesota, where they lived.
What do I notice about 2005 me?
She was skinny.
She had $25 a week to eat for a season.
She applied for new jobs daily while temping and volunteering to get a foot in the door.
She knew sink or swim like nobody’s business.
The dating game seemed hopeless after several failed attempts at the new online dating game.
What I See Now from 2025
A huge shift occurred one night when I finally couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t. I will share more on that another time, but my no quit attitude finally gave up and quit. If you know, you know.
There I was out of options, money, everything.
From 2025 I see her:
Making choices to keep going
Seeing a future that hadn’t happened yet (married, kids, house, job, church)
Unsure if she could, but she did anyway
Pulling courage from every corner of her being
Aware that even if her friends wondered if she was okay, she was going to thrive
Gritty, dirty, getting her hands in every moment
Loving life even when life didn’t love her back
Undiagnosed with ADHD and still fighting hard
Depressed, anxious, but inwardly seeking out elusive moments of joy that kept her going
Those Messy, Gritty Years Between
I have lived a lot of life between 2005 and 2025, and I did not share (yet). I wanted to describe a moment in time that stopped me. I realized that in 20 years, a lot of life happened in 2005, I didn’t know. Her view from there was to pull from the present to create a future in which she lives now in 2025.
An imperfect future was written as she went along. I am she and she is me. I am not without passion for beaches and water to this day. I found new faith and lost it. I am on the way to rediscovering new perspectives on faith I could not see then or in the in between years until today.
SO who is 2025 me?
Still gritty
Still looking for better work
She ain’t skinny but she’s strong
She’s still courageous
She still sees hope for the next 20 years
Those beaches are still beckoning every day
She is diagnosed with ADHD and putting all the pieces together with her husband, two kids, two dogs, four cats, and current foster kitties, while the house constantly needs attention and time.
She is still writing her story with a book in the works.
She still never gives up even when her friends look at her and say ‘are you okay?’
Yeah. I’m okay.
I’m more than OK. I made it to 2025. I wasn’t sure from 2005 if I would see but here I am.
Let’s do 20 more years of dreaming through the in-between stuff, shall we?